The Story Behind the Story

Eight years ago, I started a journey to claim my life. I started life coach training, gave up teaching and embraced becoming a life coach. This was when I began to reconnect to parts of me that were long hidden. I dissolved long held beliefs and fears and began to put myself out into the world. My Claim Your Life Coaching website was a huge part of that journey. My life – my career, my relationships, but mostly my inner world and how I felt out in the world – was completely changed. I felt connected to myself and again began to love and understand me.

This month, I begin another phase of that journey. For some time, Nik and I have been cultivating a dream to move back to a tropical place, find the surf and show our kids what life is like in somewhere new. We had different reasons for this urge but luckily it pulled us both to the same place!

So ……my husband, two children (Van age 11 and Maya age 10) and I packed a few important belongings into our mini-van and set off to begin our 9 month adventure to Sayulita, Mexico.

One of the main professional reasons behind my pull to make this big change is to share a glimpse into the life coach tools I use that have helped my clients (and myself!). I want to share how I came to my decision, how I will continue to let my inner GPS (emotions, body and intuition) guide me, and how I get past the roadblocks of fear and unhelpful thoughts. I want to share what it looks like to coach myself through change and growth and what it takes me (ie. staying out of drama) to Claim My Life. It is an inside peek of how a Martha Beck trained coach walks her talk with hopes that you get some tips if you are stuck in walking a talk that feels true to who you are and what you want now.

You will be interested in reading this if you:

  • are facing a change (a move, a career change, divorce/separation…)
  • want to move forward feeling more calm, confident and connected to yourself and others
  • want to find out how to be guided by your inner GPS (your body, emotions and intuition)
  • want to become aware of your thoughts and how to ensure they are aligned with your empowered self rather than with fear-based thinking
  • want to Claim Your Life (drama free!) and create what you want for yourself now …even if you don’t know what that is yet.

I look forward to sharing my journey with you! Thanks for joining me.

smiles,
Mariette

The Fear~Love Dance

This past week has been difficult.

It involved a rainbow of emotions -anger, delight, sadness, shame, scared.

I reacted from a belief that something was desperately wrong with what was happening.  I attempted to control the circumstances and how people were feeling including myself.  I lashed out, I tried to rescue and I gave up.

Then in a quiet moment, I heard my inner voice and allowed deep connection and deep love.

Until I pulled away and put up my walls yet again.  Back and forth and back and forth I went.

This is the Fear~Love Dance I find myself in regularly.

Every since I became aware of the human fear response, I have been delving more deeply into my own fear based actions.  And I will admit, it isn’t pretty.

But along with this awareness, I have found freedom and even more powerful … I have deepened my Love – for myself, for those around me and for the world in general.

I am so grateful to have the velcro, that held my blinders on so tight, lose its grip.

And I am even more grateful to now pass this knowledge onto others as I support them in doing the same.

Supporting my son to become aware of his own Fear ~ Love Dance this past week  as I became aware of mine, is what pulls me through the Fear in my own Fear ~ Love Dance and what ignites my commitment to help others do the same.

 

 

 

 

Accepting the Chameleon in Me

Anyone who knows me well, has heard me laugh (okay, actually complain) about my chameleon ways.  From my teens on, I perfected the chameleon’s ability to blend into the background.  Either I found someone (or even a whole culture, all my Aussie friends will attestto this) that I admired and with careful observation could adapt my ways to fit into what others were doing.  If that was too hard (it usually was!), I would completely camouflage into the background and become as invisible as I could be.

This awareness of my camouflaging abilities came to me, while living in Australia,  when I was forced to think about the reasons behind why I was uncomfortable and exhausted most of the time.   I realized I was worn out from all this trying to fit in – picture a very Canadian girl taking on new slang with a new accent, changing my entire wardrobe,  adopting completely new work, home, and social ways, all while trying not to sweat too much in the heat – not a pretty sight.  I was physically unwell and emotionally spent.

It was after I was back in Canada, and enrolled in life coach training, that I really did my work.  I was coached inside out and upside down in the process.   I was onto my chameleon ways and felt I had eradicated them once and for all.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward almost FIVE years to October, 2012  when I got an unexpected reminder to check in with my ways.  I was listening to a business call by Fabeku Fatunmise (so awesome by the way) when something in me started to stir.  I found myself pacing, holding onto my hair and screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOO”.  I am only just slightly dramatic…

You see, Fabeku had challenged us all to plug into our superpower and it was that day that a deep message from within (dammit, all that reconnecting has made that voice very loud) saying…

….your superpower is being a chameleon

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

….your superpower is being a chameleon

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

….your superpower is being a chameleon

<pause>

“Oh my…yes, it really is.  Oh shit, now what??!”

Well, here is where it has taken me some months later… I have spent time to really look at how being a chameleon has served me and how it was keeping me stuck.  I gave a ton of love to the part of me that was feeling the need to still hide, albeit in a new way, and then I gently started to refocus on how my unique talents are here to help me and others.

I am creating and creating and really looking forward to working with you if you sense you have not really accepted parts of who you and/or feel disconnected to your deep self.  Let’s begin to uncover and pull together your strengths, desires and gifts and to let go of behaviours and stories that are no longer serving you.

Sign up for my blog on my website, if you haven’t yet, to take advantage as I start to share the insights, tips and tools I have learned on my journey from being a chameleon to being authentically me.  This is too good to keep to myself…so, if you find you relate to feeling unsure of who you really are and are tired of hiding, then this is the place for you.

 

What I learned from … WestJet’s Christmas Surprise

Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries,  thank you’s, “just because you want to” are gift giving times filled with fun, excitement, and joy.  There is something so special about giving gifts to show the people we love or care about how we feel.

NOT!

I dread gift-giving.

I suck at it.

I avoid it.

I have tons of negative self-beliefs around my inability to “get-it-right”.

And then,  I saw this (you may have too as it was all over Facebook!):

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Now, I don’t know about you, but for me, this amazing gift-giving example triggered all sorts of emotion.  So, I knew I had some digging to do.

Here is what I learned:

I love giving gifts AND getting them, but, I stop myself from giving them because I am afraid of getting it wrong.

As a result, I don’t give them or if I do, I make sure I have good reasons why the gifts aren’t exactly what the person wanted (I was rushed, they ran out, not enough money, so and so picked it….).

And feel shitty!

Then when someone gives me a gift, I struggle to accept it because I don’t feel like I deserve their love when I’m not showing it to them.

And still feel shitty!

So where does that leave me this holiday season?

Trying to pull off something like WestJet might be too big of a leap this year, but I will:

  • notice when I am feeling stressed about giving or receiving a gift
  • notice what I am believing – “I need to get this right” type thoughts, how it makes me feel, how I act and the result I get (eg.  proof that I am shitty at showing love and that I might as well pull away before they pull away from me)
  • realize I am shifting the responsibility for meeting my needs for love/approval/acceptance to others instead of meeting those needs myself
  • shift focus to thoughts, feelings and actions that feel like love and compassion to me and to others

Now that feels like a gift to me AND  a gift to you ~ Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas!

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This is the first “What I learned from…” type blog that I am hoping to share with you on a regular basis.  This is where I can show you my own self-coaching in hopes to give you some ideas you can use for yourself.

Thanks for reading and as always, I would love to hear your thoughts, questions or insights.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rejuvenate “Me” Retreat – November 23-24, 2013

Are you struggling in your relationships and looking for some time to “Rejuvenate ‘Me” and to create happier, more successful relationships?  Then this retreat might be exactly what you are looking for.  While enjoying the amenities and surroundings of an oceanfront spa resort, I will be sharing the main steps to begin to create the relationships you desire, all by starting with YOU.

Click here if you are interested in signing up for the retreat.

retreat (Complete 2)

Inspired Turtle-Step Actions

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In this last Video, #4 of 4, I share with you what you need to know about action.  Often, we start with this step, but if we do, we usually take action that is based on limiting beliefs, shoulds and an attempt to avoid uncomfortable emotion we often don’t even know is there.  The first three videos help you to reconnect to what is happening for you below the surface and help you to realign with the direction you really want to go.  Action, after all of that, feels inspired even though the action itself may be hard.  With this inspired action, remember to stay connected to what feels right in your body and your emotions.  Forcing action, that is hard or easy, never feels good.

This process is a practice.  You will find it becomes automatic over time.  There are no rights or wrongs to it and you will find your own technique as you go. Trust in yourself and know the main part of all this is to become conscious to yourself and to find your own answers with in you.

Thank you for joining me for these videos and I would love to hear your thoughts, questions or other feedback.

Choosing Thoughts that Support Claiming Your Life

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In Video #3, the process is to now take the wisdom gained from your Core of Peace and welcome back in the mind to help you come up with a new thought. This new thought feels calm and peaceful and inspires action.

I believe the Inner Wisdom is guiding us to meet our own needs fully and, often, our new thoughts may be unrelated to the problem you had in the Drama Triangle.  You are reconnecting to and rebuilding trust in yourself as the only person who knows what is right for you.

Notice when you get evidence to prove that listening to your Inner Wisdom worked for you (i.e. you felt peaceful!).  Write it down and refer back to it as often as possible.  It takes more of this evidence to rebuild the trust in yourself than the evidence you collected that showed you needed the Drama Triangle.  Keep at it.  And if you need help, reach out.  We often are so blinded by our own coping methods that it takes an unattached third party to help us see our own drama.

Checking in with Your Inner Wisdom

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Video #2 of 4 ~ Checking in with Your Inner Wisdom

Now that you have noticed, through the eyes of the Compassionate Observer (described in Video #1), what your thoughts, your sensations (physical and emotional), your actions and results are, it is time to check in with your Inner Wisdom.  This is the part of you that knows what your next step is, knows what you need and will guide you.  All you have to do is know how to listen.  Watch video #2 above to be guided through it.  Keep at it any time you are triggered.  This is a practice and works better and better with repetition.  If you don’t get anything right away, don’t worry.  The Inner Wisdom is always speaking and when you are ready to hear you will.

Next week, I will let you know how to find new thoughts that are aligned with your Inner Wisdom.  Let me know what you think so far!

Looking Through the Eyes of the Compassionate Observer

This week I am excited to begin a four week series of videos sharing the process I use with my clients when they notice they have been triggered, have moved into the drama triangle and realize they are feeling unsatisfied in their relationship(s).

Using the tools in these four videos, I want to give you the opportunity to learn how to coach yourself around a situation you are having in your own life.  I will share the steps I use with myself and my clients to go from being Stuck-in-Drama to Claiming a Life that feels aligned and peaceful.  When you consistently check-in with your Core of Peace, you will find you refocus and align with your inner wisdom more often and go in to the Drama Triangle less and less.

If you are ready, watch video #1 below where I show you how to start looking at your relationship drama from the Core of Peace through the eyes of your Compassionate Observer.

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Then watch for the next three videos over the next three weeks. Here is an overview of the four videos:

  1. July 17th (Today):  Looking Through the Eyes of Your Compassionate Observer
  2. July 24th:  Checking in with Your Inner Wisdom
  3. July 31st:  Choosing Thoughts that Support Claiming Your Life
  4. August 7th:  Inspired Turtle-Step Actions

Leave a comment and let me know if you are joining me.